What it's all about

Not really sure anyone will ever read these other than me, but just incase I should explain. This is going to be a place for me to vent and ramble and get things out in order to keep some of the sanity that I have left, for the most part. I am soon to be 34, and turning over what seems to be the preverbial huge fucking new leaf in my life. I have spent the better part of the last decade living under a dark cloud of depression that was suddenly lifted a few months ago. Suddenly the world makes sense, mostly, and I WANT to do things like keep my house clean and cook with my kids. It is amazing the difference really. I have also taken on a new role, Caregiver. Now that doesnt sound any different than wife or mother to most. But in our case it is. My husband suffered,a mental melt down of sorts back in February of last year and long story short(though I am sure the long story will come out eventually) he went from confident man with a job that he loved, to heavily medicated and depressed longing for what he had. He was approved for disability in the summer and looking back it is still a blur how we survived and I know that we would not have had it not been for family and friends and most of all friends who are family. It seemed right as our world would teeter on darkness, or the gas vapors could barely take us another mile, someone would offer a hand. I will never be able to thank all of those that helped us this last year, I can only try to do as they did and help were I see it is needed when I can. Ok off topic. I do that a lot too, but that is why these are ramblings...during the past year I have had to step up and make sure things were done, even when I did not want to do them. Because my rock, my shoulder and person who kept it all together, couldnt hold it together anymore. Hell there were days he could barely hold his head up let alone anything together. And please dont think me hateful, we have come a long way from not wanting to leave the house, to he works a bit to keep busy and give him something to do. The depression though.....what a nasty critter it is. It has such a hold on him and its not letting go. He has talked to the Dr.'s and the Therapists and so far we are still in the down spiral, though I have faith in him that we will get to the upward journey, it is the waiting and the time in between that has made me think that I might need a place to get out some things. His therapist has told given him the tas of blogging daily and when he does he seems to do better, whether it is just a short post with nothing much to say or a long indepth something, Like this, it seems to work for him. So I thought why not. I will give it a try. And perhaps it will help me from "losing it" so much LOL. I have hopes to instead of going on about things that are not worth arguing about, but if I mention them to him will turn into arguements, putting them here. Save the tears, put the anger into words here, and atleast it is out and not sitting on me anymore. Since we all know holding it in makes for nasty indigestion. Anyway, now you know what this is all about and perhaps it will help. if nothing else it will give me something to do and my typing with improve....maybe.♥♥♥♥